You're my little dorito
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
