what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
