Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize