We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Randomize
