omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
