I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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