walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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