I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
