i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize