Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
