I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
