Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize