walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize