when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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