come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
i am craving dick and cupcakes
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