Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize