There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize