Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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