Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
