I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize