I think i sorta joined a cult last night
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
