Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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