What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
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