all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
