i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
