Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
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