considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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