Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
