Pappa wants mamma naked
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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