half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
