That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
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