WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
