that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
