do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
