have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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