You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
