remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
where does the pee come out of this thing
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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