i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
