i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
