On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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