i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Randomize
