Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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