Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
