I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
My vagina is very pro this idea
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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