Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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