College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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