so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
