Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
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