I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
