I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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