I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
