I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
