Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
