so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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