just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Randomize
