She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
