I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
