Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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