Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
