she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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