I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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