I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
You need Xanax blowdarts
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
