I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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