I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
