you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
