and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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