when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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