Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
